How horrible was The Oscars?

Holy Crap! I am not going to dump on Seth MacFarlane because there are enough people and sites out there saying how horrible his hosting performance was. I want to believe his hands were tied and he was limited as to what he could do because he’s way funnier than this. Case in point – the William Shatner bit where he appears on a big screen from the future as Captain Kirk telling him he sucks as a presenter. WTF?

The bit went on way too long (felt like half an hour) of Kirk telling MacFarlane you suck as a presenter and the best you’ll be is mediocre. Sadly, that’s what Seth ended up being – mediocre (at best). His jokes about Mel Gibson are about 5 years too late and the Chris Brown and Rihanna date night quip wasn’t funny or relevant. The “We’ve Seen Your Boobs” song was horrible and should have been saved for a Family Guy episode – which he may have already done as I kind of recall a side boob song. I certainly didn’t want to hear him sing or do the soft-shoe like he was auditioning  for “The Seth MacFarlane Variety Show”. As Homer Simpson would say “be more funny!”

But, I didn’t mind the sock puppet bit or him planting one on Sally Field (lucky bastard). Heck,  I had the hots for Gidget, too. I was going on 10 and she was 19. Those were the days. Any other red-blooded males think she’s hot? Smokey and the Bandit, Norma Rae, Back Roads? How hot was she in Sybil? A woman suffering a from multiple personality disorder who develops over 16 distinct personalities. Kiss Me Goodbye?

But, what really bugged me about this years Oscars was that I thought I was watching the Grammy Awards. How many damn songs did they sing last night and why?  “All That Jazz from Chicago, “And I’m Telling You I’m Not Going” from Dreamgirls, “Everyone Needs A Best Friend” from Ted, “The Way We Were” by Barbra Streisand and on and on. This does not include the songs they should have included – “Goldfinger” by Dame Shirley Bassey and “Skyfall” by Adele. Both songs kicked ass but whoever did the sound for the performers should be fired.

As a huge James Bond film fan, I was looking forward to their tribute to the 50th anniversary in movies. It was a bust.                                            To sum up, they had the most tasteless ending ever. Of course, it was another song parody. The title,  “Here’s to the Losers!”  was a horrible mess. Unless, they were singing to me. Then, they nailed it.

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