Saturday Night Live…..What The Hell Happened To This Show?

I tuned in Saturday because I wanted to see Louis C.K. as host and found SNL to be one of the worst shows on television. I cut and paste from their own website the following skits:

Office Boss Baby 
An employee brings his wife to the office to introduce her to his boss who is brilliant, a great man and has the body of a baby.
Jos A. Bank Cleaning Product 
Spills can be annoying, but Jos. A. Bank offers great prices on suits that can mop up messes better than any paper towels.                                                                    Mr. Big Stuff 
A group of ladies sitting on a stoop attack a passerby with song, completely misjudging a humble man as arrogant.
Darth Vader Action Figure 
Just to be safe, a man asks his doctor to check in his butt for a Darth Vader action figure.

Sounds like a laugh riot, doesn’t it? It wasn’t. There were more unfunny bits, but I don’t want to use my blog to promote their crap. This is a public service announcement to give you a sample and save you from watching SNL (unless you think a Darth Vader action figure in your butt is funny).                                                                                                                                                                                 According to their website there are 22 writers and a head writer coming up with this shit hilarity. Ever hear of Beck Bennett, John Milhiser, Kyle Mooney, Mike O’Brien, Noell Wells, Brooks Wheelan or Sasheer Zamat? All are featured players on the show and they suck! There are another 9 repertory players and only 2 of them are slightly humorous. Can’t see any of them being major stars either.

This show used to produce very talented and very funny people since its inception. I am old enough and remember watching season one in 1975 when I didn’t have a date or Twisted Sister wasn’t playing at The Mad Hatter. I laughed at John Belushi, Dan Aykroyd and Gilda Radner. Some of their skits are still funny today – Belushi in Samurai Delicatessen, his Joe Cocker impersonation and The Blues Brothers with Dan Aykroyd. Dan also played the father in Coneheads  and did a great Nixon impersonation. Gilda Radner was funny as Roseanne Roseannadanna, Baba Wawa (Barbara Walter) and Emily Litella.

Later on, some of the big names to come from SNL are Bill Murray, Eddie Murphy, Joe Piscopo, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jon Lovitz, Dennis Miller, Dana Carvey, Phil Hartman, Kevin Nealon, Mike Myers, Chris Rock, Chris Farley, Davis Spade, Adam Sandler, Molly Shannon, Cheri Oteri, Colin Quinn, Will Ferrell, Darrel Hammond, Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey. I am sure I may have missed one of your favorites (my blog – my favorites) and I tried hard to think of the last funny person on this show. Possibly, Amy Poehler. She left in 2008.

The one good think to come out of this horrible episode of Saturday Night Live was a young singer I never heard of – Sam Smith. Give him a listen.

New York Jets Elated After Signing Felon

This is the kind of dog Michael Vick took pleasure in torturing and killing:

The NY Jets suck and have for quite some time. The latest feather in their shameful cap is signing convicted felon – Michael Vick.  For those of you not familiar with the name or the nature of the crime, Vick was convicted of federal felony conspiracy in interstate commerce/aid of unlawful animal fighting venture  and state felony dog fighting.   

He admitted to providing most of the financing for the operation and to participating directly in several dog fights in four separate states and sharing in the proceeds from these dog fights. He also admitted to being involved in the destruction of 6–8 dogs, by hanging or drowning. 

U.S. District Judge Henry Hudson noted that despite Vick’s claim to have accepted responsibility for his actions, his failure to cooperate fully with federal officials, coupled with a failed drug test and a failed polygraph, showed that he had not taken full responsibility for “promoting, funding and facilitating this cruel and inhumane sporting activity.” So, Vick admitted to 6-8 dogs, but what’s the real number this uncooperative, drug taking liar tortured and killed? 

Now, the Jets owner says he’s a changed person. Woody Johnson said, “We know his past. He didn’t make great choices back then, but he, like a lot of people, deserves a second chance.” Let me take the first half of his quote. Didn’t make great choices?? Is he talking about the drugs, obscene field gestures, the lawsuits, the financial troubles and filing bankruptcy? Or, the heinous act of illegal dog fighting?  You know what’s not making a great choice? When Suffolk County Department of Public Works bought Prius vehicles.

Anyway, the second part of his quote – that he deserves a second chance. I don’t think he does. It scares me that a millionaire who doesn’t need the money sets up an illegal venture known as Bad News Kennels to fight dogs. That means he was doing it for the fun of it – a hobby. 

So, Woody Johnson, does he deserve a second chance? I say this – did the dogs get a second chance? Or, even a first chance? 

Who’s a bigger joke – The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame or KISS?

OK, everyone knows the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Museum is a joke. The nomination process is controlled by a few individuals who are not musicians and reflect their personal tastes rather than views of the rock world. Members of the British punk rock band the Sex Pistols who were inducted in 2006, refused to attend the ceremony, calling the museum “a piss stain” and “urine in wine.” Having visited this poorly designed pyramid of ‘rock and roll’ items and memorabilia, I didn’t notice piss stains or urine in wine, but I did see a lot of crap.

Which brings me to KISS.

Rock band wallpapers kiss wallpaper

I believe they should have been enshrined in the HOF since they were first eligible in 1999. However, they weren’t even nominated until 2009 and are not inducted until this year. The fans that have supported them over the last 40 years must be thrilled, only to find that these larger-than-life rock stars (read Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley) have announced that no version of the band will be performing at the event. This is what these 2 clowns have said:

“It is over thirteen years since the original line-up has played together in make-up and we believe the memory of those times would not be enhanced.” Really, asshole number one? I recently watched Paul and Ringo reunite for a few songs and that was effin awesome.

“Kiss has always been a band unlike any other. Being unlike other bands also means making choices and decisions unlike other bands. We have decided not to play in any line-up, and we will focus our attention on celebrating our induction into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame.” Really, asshole number two? You are exactly like any other band that’s already in the HOF and there are hundreds of them. You are four guys that made some great songs, got some breaks and put on a great show. Oh, and by the way, having seen you guys a couple of times with the original members, you are not ‘the greatest live band’ like you think you are. For me, in the 70’s Alice Cooper was the greatest show I ever saw and today, the Trans-Siberian Orchestra blows you away.

Sadly, they’ve become a joke over the years as they decided to concentrate on merchandising instead of music.

KISS Condoms - 144 Paul in Cookie Jar

They could have gotten together for this one night to play a hit or two – for their fans. KISS have gone through personnel changes. Eric Carr is dead. Mark St. John is dead. Life is short. Ace Frehley and Peter Criss, both original members who were a big part of the success of the band are still here and willing. I understand current members Tommy Thayer and Eric Singer are better musicians and have been with the band since 2002. You want to honor them – do a song with your current line up. Hell, bring back Vinnie Vincent and Bruce Kulick and do a song with them too. That would honor all the members and please your fans.

Or, Paul and Gene,

you can continue to be assholes number 1 and 2.

R.I.P. Mark and Eric. You are no longer part of the Psycho Circus.

Warren the Sapp dissing Michael Strahan? Well, you can’t fix stupid.

Warren Sapp was good at certain things – blindsiding opponents, skipping among opponents as they warm-up, getting ejected from games, unsportsmanlike conduct, paying fines and being a big mouth. That’s on the field of play. Off the field, the man has had issues such as domestic battery, IRS debt, not paying alimony or child support, selling his Miami Championship rings and Super Bowl ring, getting his house auctioned off and being a big mouth. He is in the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

But, here’s where he shows us New York Giant fans just how truly stupid he is. Regarding Michael Strahan, he told Neil Best of Newsday “I don’t think his résumé stacks up. When you really measure him up, he comes up short.” Really, Warren? Let’s look at the facts. Let’s measure him up against, I don’t know? How about you?

You are a 7 time Pro Bowl selection, so is Michael. You are a 4 time First-Team All-Pro, so is Michael. You are a 2 time Second-Team All Pro, so is Michael. You were a Defensive Player of the Year once, so was Michael. You each have a Super Bowl ring.

What other stats can I use? How about tackles? Warren Sapp has 573 and Michael Strahan has 854. Forced fumbles? Warren Sapp has 19 and Michael Strahan has 24. Quarterback sacks? Warren Sapp has 96.5 and Michael Strahan has 141.5.

Quarterback sacks is where Sapp’s original ‘feud’ with Michael started. Michael Strahan holds the single season sack record. In the final game of the 2001 season, the Packers quarterback fell down and Michael Strahan fell on top of him for an easy sack. Some have accused Favre of taking a dive to let Strahan get the record. Others say it was a legitimate play and that Favre fell to avoid getting creamed. But, what did Sapp want Strahan to do? It’s not Strahan’s fault that Favre went down like he did, but Sapp is not intelligent enough to blame the right person. Even if you take that one sack away, Michael Strahan still has 44 more sacks than Warren Sapp.

So, who belongs in the Hall of Fame. Add up all the facts and I say it should be the man that still has his Super Bowl ring.

Stop Whining!

It’s cold outside. Know why? It’s WINTER time in January. Is it colder than usual due to something called a polar vortex? Yes. So what, we’ve had them before and we’ll have them again. The newspaper, television news and friends on Facebook are freaking out over normal occurrences.  It gets hot in the summer and people whine about global warming

.algore

It gets cold in the winter and the next ice age is coming. Mother Earth runs things. She gets cool, warms up and gets cool again. Been doing it for a long time, too.

You know who should be complaining about the cold? The team of “climate change scientists” that had recently gone down to the Antarctic to study the myth of global warming. Instead, their ship got stranded in the ice. Actually, that’s pretty funny. Screw them.

Image

Seriously, you know who’s cold? The cop walking the beat, the homeless person living in a cardboard box and the firefighter putting out a blaze as freezing cold water and wind batters his skin. My stepson – Jason battles fires in this weather with 70 pounds of gear and would never tell you it’s cold. So, I don’t want to hear about how cold you were while walking to your car and see a picture of your thermometer. You’re not that cold and neither am I.

Guess what? It will be cold again next time this year. It’s called winter in January.

Any time you read “The Obama Administration announced on Friday…” it can’t be good.

Obama’s view of America Image

My view of America  Image

Yesterday’s Newsday had the heading “New rule for eagles, energy”. Unfortunately, after reading itshould have read “Obama administration gives certain companies permission to kill or maim eagles.” But, this truth would be too harsh for this liberal rag. That’s why I’m here.

Although bald eagles were removed from the endangered species list in 2007, they are still protected under two federal laws. But laws mean nothing to Barack Obama. Is it kickbacks from the wind power industry that allow them to kill our national symbol without fear from prosecution? Oh, and he has made the industry safe from prosecution for the next 30 years. Isn’t it great that Obama has provided legal protection for the life span of wind farms at the expense of our national symbol.

The Associated Press documented the illegal killing of eagles around wind farms and the Obama administration’s failure to prosecute such cases and its willingness to help keep the scope of the eagle deaths secret. He has overstepped his authority and given preferential treatment to an industry breaking our laws

His message at best – ” Do not step (or fly) in the way of my green energy policy. At worst “Screw your laws abd the national symbol of the United States”

What era had the greatest music?

Here’s a fun question – what era had the greatest songs of all time? I always thought that some of the greatest music was made when I was in high school. I wonder if everyone feels that way. I can still remember going to Mother’s Music in Patchogue  (when I earned enough from my job at McDonald’s) for the new Led Zeppelin album which was $3.98 plus tax. I think of all the new albums in the early 1970’s by bands like Pink Floyd, The Who, Deep Purple, Alice Cooper or David Bowie and a band you probable never heard of – Uriah Heep and wonder who could compete with them. 

Disregard the go-go dancing. These guys could harmonize with the best of them. One of my favorite songs from one of my favorite albums ever. The Wizard from Demons and Wizards. 

My wife being ever so slightly older said the music of the late 1960’s ruled. Musically, she had seen the Beatles at Shea and had been to Woodstock. She had me beat when it came to live music. But, I did see Van Halen (when very few knew who they were) open for Black Sabbath and I did see a concert in Shea Stadium (Jethro Tull). I saw many bands in their heyday. I have cred.

We have satellite radio because we both agree the music today is bloody awful. We have the 60’s channel and the 70’s channel programmed in and compare notes. “Hear that – Imagine by John Lennon. One of the greatest songs ever!” I would say as the 70’s station played ‘my’ music. Once the song was over, it was her turn. “Hear that – Strawberry Fields Forever.  John was in this band – The Beatles. One of the greatest bands ever!” Ugh! Monica 1 – Harry 0. It was my turn again. Back to the 70’s station for Stairway to Heaven. “Hear that – one of the greatest songs ever by one of the greatest bands ever – Led Zeppelin.” She agrees and I think I am going to tie up the score. The song ends so it’s back to the 60’s station. “What do you know? Whole Lotta Love by Led Zeppelin. We had them, too.” Ugh! Monica 2 – Harry 0. My turn again. “Layla by Derek & the Dominos. Eric Clapton and Duane Allman on guitar. I have a shot at this. Back to the 60’s station for All Along the Watchtower by Jimi Hendrix. Can I get a tie on that one?  I am not giving up. I know the greatness of my era of music. What next? Aerosmith? Queen? Eagles? Nope. Boogie Oogie Oogie by Taste of Honey. Damn it! Disco sucks big time. I quit. Nothing in the 60’s was this bad.

I checked with Rolling Stone’s greatest 500 songs of all time and 40.8% were from the Sixties. Second best era was the 70’s with 28.2%. So, I am number 2. I’ll take it. The crappy music coming out today (the 2000’s) had only 3 songs in the top 500 for a whooping 0.6%. So, do the kids from today think their music rules? Can they? I don’t see how. I don’t get the popularity of Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber,  One Direction and what passes for music these days.  I am sounding like my old man but there’s nothing out there that impresses me like the music of the 70’s. Except for music of the 60’s.